JDL - Direction Nine - Husbands

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7 (ESV))

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Col. 3:19 (ESV))

As we have discussed earlier, God has created men and women. He has created them equal in His sight, that is at the creation of the world they were both created perfect and holy. Because of their disobedience and sin, they are now not perfect but are corrupt and filled with sin. It is this sin which leads to questioning God’s good gifts and blessings, His boundaries, and the roles He gives to us, His children.

Spiritually speaking, we are all equal in God’s eyes. We are equally sinners, and by His grace, through faith in Jesus, through His death and resurrection, we are equally saints. This is what we call the “order of redemption.” Yet, there are still differences between men and women, between husbands and wives. There are physical differences, and there are even chemical differences in the physical bodies of men and women. This accounts for hormonal and temperamental differences. There are psychological and physiological differences, and we rejoice in all these differences.

The differences are what make us unique as individuals, and often these are what draw us to be attracted to one another. These differences account for the differences in the plans and roles God has for the individual sexes and for us as individual persons.

Women, because of their design by God, are more fitting for their role as mother which includes being more of a nurturing person. Men do not have this capacity and so are not suited for this role. And saying that does not diminish the necessity of some men having to take on that role and responsibility in the absence of a mother, but that was not God’s good and right design from the start.

But, getting to the role of husbands in particular, our Lord tells us, through the Apostle Paul, that the role of the husband is to live with his wife and to honor her as the weaker vessel because you are together (and Paul is supposing that both the husband and wife are believers) going to be in heaven for eternity. It was this view of women that often was the underlining cause of much abuse that women have endured over time. Yet, here the husband is reminded that even if she is the weaker vessel, she is not to be abused as such. The role of the husband is to love his wife and not be harsh to her. He is to be a model of what a husband is especially when there are children involved.

According to the Jesus’ directed life, heeding the words of Jesus, the husband is the one who is and will be held ultimately responsible for his family, for he and his wife. Thus, it is imperative that the husband first find help and strength as well as guidance and direction from the Lord in fulfilling the role he is to live. It is only as one acknowledges and confesses his own sinfulness and inability that the Lord grants forgiveness and the Holy Spirit to give help, guidance, and aid.

As the husband admits and confesses, is given forgiveness, guidance and direction, he will then, with the help of the Holy Spirit, work to be the husband and head of the family which God intended him to be. He will love his wife and tend to her needs, first spiritual and then bodily. He will be the spiritual leader of the family bringing the family to divine service, having family devotions, leading in prayer and the like. And as he is unable to perform any of these tasks, he will seek out help, especially from his pastor who is his spiritual advisor.

The husband will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they will be one flesh. They will be one in spirit before the Lord, and yet at the same time, they will each have their own roles and jobs to perform in the new family. And in prayer, reading God’s Word, and following in His ways, the husband will be a Jesus-directed husband.

Think About
How often do married couples, and even groups of people in general, have difficulties because we fail to acknowledge our own God-given roles and limits? How often could conflicts be avoided if we were not so intent on usurping roles not given to us?

Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank You for boundaries as well as roles. Forgive me when I strive to usurp a role not given to me. Help me instead to work, to help, and to support others in the roles You have given them. For Jesus’ sake. Amen.